A Swift Sunrise

I get in this bind every few months or so. There's a panic button deep inside me, hidden away, in some place that's marked but is yet to be found. Circumstances pile up, situations manifest, until suddenly that button becomes more a part of me than the mechanism it was pulled from. Suddenly, it doesn't matter what glances you throw my direction, what words of wisdom you have to offer me. Hours and hours and hours and seconds become minutes of endless chatter until it becomes clear that there is no answer.

 No definable way to assay my qualms.

There's a fear attached to this mechanism, a fear of the unknown--not exactly. A fear of not knowing the unknown. A paradox. This paradox manifests itself every couple of months. I can be complacent for days on end until suddenly there's a light that breaks the darkness. Suddenly, cascading across the sky like a star crashing through atmosphere, adventure rears its head yet again. A call to the unknown. To slay the dragon. An unexpected journey. Not even a promise of a there and back again adventure. Just adventure. Visceral. Something to be touched, that can be grasped, that can be held tight, can be evident, seen. The tick tock of the clock has brought me this far.

It must be suppressed. But it isn't--I encourage it at every turn. I see here and there mere glimpses of what could be and these glimmers burn behind my retinas. Pieces of another place, something connected to this world and yet completely set apart. It calls. I answer. Tolkien and Lewis are undoubtedly at the center of it all, weaving these places into word. Something inside answers the ethereal.

I want adventure. Real adventure. Unfortunately the need for adventure often leads me to miss what is right in front of my waking eyes, mistaking them for the mundane. I must find adventure elsewhere. Stories. Now I'm bound to the life I lead, but within stories, oh within stories, I'm on adventure. I'm out there. Experiencing. Slaying the dragon. Sure-footed, sure-hearted, sure-handed.

Here's hoping I find the adventure in my life,
M