The Bird

Every once in a while something inside me just snaps when it comes to academia. I can handle moronic behavior, really, let's face it--we're talking about me here. But what I can't stand is a professor saying the same inane things every time the class adjourns, running about in a frazzled manner equivalent to that of a dodo bird on crack, all the while arbitrarily oozing the education level of a pre-pubescent child. 

Suddenly, all those little moments add up to a hallucination of epic proportion until my poor little brain says "to hell with academia and your silly teachers".

It escalates like this:

Wait, you're saying you don't want me to analyze the text we are reading in my reflection paper? You say I theorize overmuch? Are my words too big for you? Shall I insist on discarding my vocabulary for your convenience? Well, then, let me reduce it to the lowest common denominator so that your tiny brain cells can compute and your neurons can start firing. You know what? I'll write you a paper. 

Not just any paper. What I like to call The Bird Paper. 

The Bird Paper has evolved a lot over the years. At first, it was a sort of passive way of acknowledging my disgruntled feelings towards professors. Back then, I was still more worried about the grade than anything, couldn't risk the wrath of the almighty teacher. See, but as the years go by, and cynicism festers in the way it generally does, and sarcasm develops even more quickly, I just can't help myself. The Bird Paper is basically my way of flicking said professor off with words. A weapon from a more civilized age. 

I turn in my Bird Paper, scathing criticisms and all fully expecting some challenge, and of course, I get the paper back within five minutes and a glittering A+ strewn across its cover along with an admonition of my "excellent" writing skills. Which leads me to think that I need to just start actually titling my Bird Papers as "You're Complete Rubbish And I Have Absolutely No Idea How You've Managed To Make It This Far In Life Or Get A Degree For That Matter Or Even Get Published You Probably Wrote A Terrible Self Help Book That Has Ended More Lives Than Saved Them."

Something like that.

Of course, it will naturally conclude with this quote:

Mollified,

M