Okay, guys. I'm about to start talking about someone I'm truly starting to love, truly starting to understand, after all of this time. God. Man alive, I didn't think I was ever going to be one of those people so moved by this guy, was kind of expecting to be an outlier in the whole religion stratosphere. And I think that's the bit I'm driving at--throwing out religion and embracing something real, something breathing, an entity on to itself--not a grasping worldwide phenomenon of law embracers, but instead embracing his own good grace.
I suppose I'm not sure how everyone else juggles God, tacos, Guy Ritchie films, mourning, friendships, sunsets, bike rides, skinnydipping, excitement, and a whole assortment of oddments, but I've certainly engaged in an odd hierarchy for quite some time where God was in the mix, on the fringe, and most definitely a means to an end. It's the waking up and realizing that he's so much more than that petty excuse that is hitting me over the head with brilliance. I've always been very susceptible to music, always responded with yearning, with a sense of deep purpose whenever it alights on the ear. The other day I was listening to the new Bethel "Loft Sessions" cd and one song in particular caught me off guard: "Draw Near". The song is written from the point of view of one of us mere mortals to God, but as I was listening to it, my brain flip flopped the roles. And why shouldn't it? I'm starting to discern the fact that God is probably a lot more interested in me at the moment than I ever was. Not to be sacrilegious, well, actually, yes to being sacrilegious, I don't think I'll ever attain the depth of love needed in this relationship. But, jeez, I feel like I'm getting closer.
In any case, this song hit me in the feet and has been slowly creeping up my body, and I can feel it resting somewhere near my chest cavity, and when it finally rises to my head, I think I might just possibly explode with gratitude. There's just something about this romance, about this lover, this God, who wants to respond to me as much as I should want to respond to him. See, that's the thing. It's not a give and take relationship, it's a give give give give give give give relationship of infinite surpassment without the expectation of any reciprocation. Just really blows me away. The "pull on the strings of my heart for I long to respond to you" gets me every time. It's that sudden tightening in the chest, the goosebumps that run down my arms and legs, the sudden awareness of every detail in the room, down to the last dust mote. It's expectation.
The thing is, I've had "ask and you will receive" pounded into my poor sunday school head for years and it's never meant much. See, then I hear one random song, at one random moment, when the stars were apparently aligned, and the breeze was blowing just the right way, so that my heart started to burn, started to understand. Started to sense. He wants to hear all about it, the hard bits, the fun bits, the awkward bits, the bits in between, the angry bits, the depressing bits, the bits of frivolity, and he just wants to hear more and more. I think God had it figured out when he designed us; you see, the more you divulge, the closer you grow to another person. So, here I'll be, divulging until the stars fall from the sky into the depths of ocean caverns.
I guess the chief thing I'm getting at the moment is the fact that God is ready to respond more readily, more than I could ever dream to, to me. He's got a place for me where all things are possible. And that's bloody brilliant. Damn, it's so intimate.
Being wooed,
M
No comments:
Post a Comment