1.19.2012

Highly Unsatisfactory Tauntauns

Let it be known that yesterday I was flirting with myself. Today is a different character altogether.
The only thing better than waking up at 6:15 to get to your morning class on time, the car failing to start in the frozen tundra, and managing to get to class on time and then realizing it's cancelled, is absolutely realizing that the wind chill is ranging from -30 to -50 [how the hell do you make degree symbols (jeeze I need to figure out how computers work) there's really no excuse for that]. I said it was terrifyingly/exhilaratingly cold yesterday. God must have thought that was hilarious because I'm now convinced that I no longer dwell in Bemidji, MN, and have instead been transported to the frozen tundra of Hoth.
Seriously, I need me one of those tauntauns. They're perfect. No batteries, no gas, although I suppose you would have to give them some sort of sustenance, but if you ever get attacked by a sasquatch creature you can always cut open your tauntaun and climb inside to redistrubute your body heat. It's the perfect vehicle for  especially-Northerly-Northern Hemisphere dwellers. Well, heating aside. You'd have to have a hell of a coat, face mask, hat, bushy scarf (of the non-vegetative variety) mittens, twelve layers of thermal underwear and possibly even keep hamsters in one of the layers just to stay mildly warm and keep your body from freezing into a cadaverous state. See, but that would be a bother as well, because then you'd have all of these rodents slowly shuffling about in your clothing, which would not only look entirely awkward to whoever you happen to converse with that day, but would also be incredibly ticklish. And probably smell.
So. Things I've determined:
1. Tauntauns, although highly fictionalized and somewhat of a satisfactory ride, would not make things easier. They would in fact cause more problems. Just imagine the droppings.
2. Never use the term terrifyingly/exhilaratingly cold. There is colder and you can bet your arse you will feel it someday.
3. Checking email to find out that morning classes are cancelled usually helps you to not wake up early and madly dash about the house trying to gather all of your schmutz.
4. Plug your cars in overnight when you live in a frozen wasteland of particular iceberginess.
5. Keep calm and carry on.
6. God laughs.
So, here I will be, wittering away my time and subsequently spend my break hours reading. It's practically a holiday. Speaking of which, I'm about to go on a four day holiday to Minneapolis to catch up with old friends, family, and just have some plain good fun. Can't wait to reunite with the art museums. Mmmmm, good. There will be much partying, much frivolity, far less sleep than I can ever hope for, and even more laughter. Oh, and cake. I'm turning old on saturday.

Sadly there are no tauntauns for me,
M

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