So. I'm a completely paranoid person. I'll admit that. Always looking for a way out, scanning the crowds and surroundings, cataloguing the exits and so on and so forth. Looking out for Swiss officers and the like.
This comes in handy if and when I ever do get attacked or the zombie apocalypse occurs.
This, however, does not come in handy otherwise.
In fact it actually usually ends up incapacitating me.
It's also the reason I don't watch thrillers or particularly creepy films; the crazy in me comes out. I jump at every bloody moment ridiculously engineered to mess with the faculties and make you scream and shout like you'll never get to the end of War and Peace.
The other night I started watching a show called Grimm, which may not be particularly creepy to the general populace, but to me it's a regular thriller. Within the first thirty seconds of the show starting.
So there I am. Sitting on the couch with a scalding cup of tea. My sense even tried to save me from this altercation. It said "self, you should not hold a full scalding cup of tea while you watch this as you are likely to freak out at some point" and then I said to my sense "rubbish, I've made it through loads of things without jumping or screaming uncontrollably" to which my sense responded "whatever helps you sleep at night". And so I sat on the couch with my full cup of scalding tea.
10 seconds. Perfectly fine, jogger going through the woods listening to her ipod.
17 seconds. More of the same. Friend starts talking to me and I stop paying as close attention to the flick.
23 seconds. DAMMIT.
23.10 seconds. An unearthly sound emerges from my throat. My arm shoots up.
23.23 seconds. Boiling scalding murderous tea begins to dissipate through the air and my sense says "bloody hell not again"
23.5 seconds. The tea has landed. On my arm. On my stomach. On my legs.
23.52 seconds. In shock.
23.55 seconds. Screaming bloody murder again.
23.75 seconds. Cursing rather loudly and then muttering an apology to those present.
24 seconds. Deciding to never hold a hot beverage while watching anything ever again.
So being paranoid. Really not an asset at this point. Crossing my fingers that someday it will be.
Treating third degree burns,
M
No comments:
Post a Comment